Man of Steel/This is the End

I saw Man of Steel yesterday, so I finally feel capable of writing about it.  Not because it's so deep that it takes a lot of time to process, but because - Jesus Christ on a bike - Henry Cavill is hot.  I'm sorry, but he is.  No, not hot, just really, really ridiculously good-looking.  Like, criminally so.  So good looking that every time he comes on screen I end up with my mouth hanging open in awe of his face.  I'm not kidding.  He's beautiful.

But is the movie good?  Yeah I think I liked it.  I think I really liked it.  But I also wonder if I'd be OK with watching Henry Cavill watch paint dry.  That'd be a good film.  Jesus, he's handsome.  I think the movie is stronger in the first half - really laying out the backstory, effectively showing the struggles of a growing alien boy.  Then the second half happens and it's nonstop fighting.  The action is definitely well done - it's really well-directed.  Because a quarter of the movie is 2 grown men flying around and flinging each other into buildings and fighting and you totally buy it.  The movie also changes some stuff in the Clark Kent/Superman backstory, at least as I know it.  I'm not entirely sure I buy the way it ends up; I need to see it again to see if it makes sense.  I mean, if I have to....

I've been eagerly anticipating This is the End like no other movie this summer.  It's as if the movie industry read my mind - let's put all of my favorite funny guys who have awesome chemistry together into a vulgar comedy.  Perfect.  Everyone was awesome and it was just as funny as I hoped it would be.  Plus it's crazy because, you know, apocalypse and everything.  It's brilliant.  As brilliant as Superman is beautiful.

Fast & Furious 6

Is it a ringing endorsement to say that Fast & Furious 6 is the least disappointing movie of the summer?  It should be.  Because after feeling decent-but-not-wowed over Iron Man 3 and Star Trek Into Darkness, this movie was every bit as awesome as I expected it to be.

Can't go wrong with racing and big dudes fighting (The Rock and Vin Diesel - as good as it gets!) and girls being tough and chases and guns and explosions.  The movie totally dragged a bit in the middle and yet is still the most fun I've had at the movies this summer.  Until I see Pacific Rim and This is the End.

Star Trek Into Darkness

OK, so. Star Trek Into Darkness. Saw it Thursday.  And if you haven't seen it by now, you don't really care about it, and so I'll have spoilers here. But they're not a big deal, really.

First off, I chose that photo because Benedict Cumberbatch owns the movie. I love him in Sherlock and he's a pretty slick bad guy. He'd be in good in Marvel movies as a villain. Not that his character here is developed much, but he's just cool. Also, he's Khan. But who cares. It's just a name, really.  A name and some slick, long coats.  The Khan "reveal" has been rumored for like a year and once it's actually done, you pretty much just go, "So what?"  Moving on.

I've seen all of the previous Star Trek movies, but don't remember them much beyond that one about the whales where Spock is playing a boom box on a bus. Or something.  I like this cast a lot and they're just as good in this one as the first.  Just when I think I like Bones the best I end up liking Scotty the best.  The movie feels like a ride at Disney World - in a good way.  The kind where you're jostled around and ships crash and explode in front of you.  Good fun.  There are funny lines and good chemistry amongst the cast. 

But there are also plot holes or at least "plot what-the-effs"?  Transporters that work only when it's convenient and don't work when the writers didn't want them to.  The use of Transporters makes no sense the entire time.  It's the kind of thing that didn't bother me til after the movie though.  Maybe Transporters are glitchy things.  And Spock is a stickler for the rules when it's convenient but he conveniently isn't when something needs to happen.

Again, I don't remember much about the old movies, but things in this movie are switched around.  Like, instead of happening to Spock like in the original, they happen to Kirk.  It's that whole other-timeline thing that keeps things interesting.

After stewing on it for a few days, it might be just as good as the first one.  Maybe the first one seemed better because it was brand new.  Oh also - the plot holes.  Final rating: not as good as the first, but better than Iron Man 3.

Iron Man 3

You know, now that I look at this poster, I should have suspected that I wouldn't love Iron Man 3.  Because I generally don't like chicks, and I certainly don't like chicks in my superhero movies.  Particularly when they're played by Gwyneth Paltrow.

Iron Man 3 had too much Paltrow.  Actually, the punnier thing to say is that it had too much Pepper for my taste.  She shouldn't be 2nd-billed and prominent on the damn poster either.

Now, I still mostly enjoyed the movie.  A crappy Marvel movie is like a crappy cup of coffee -- it still isn't the worst thing ever and it still gets the job done.  Does that analogy work?  I'll like Marvel movies no matter what, but I should love them.

So what was wrong with Iron Man 3?  Besides a certain blonde.  My main problem is that Tony Stark doesn't have superpowers.  Sure, he has cool technology and I'll even buy the super-convenient secret projects that are activated at just the right time.  But he shouldn't have the ability to fight and slide down steel beams when he's not in his armor.

I just want a dark, alcoholic, womanizing, self-hating, tortured Tony Stark. Not one with a steady GF whom he calls "honey."  Tony Stark shouldn't be calling a chick "honey" unless it's derogatory and dripping with sarcasm. (Clearly I need to find some fan fiction. And yes, it can be the kind where Tony Stark and Bruce Banner are banging. I'm all-in on that idea.)

But I guess a dark take on Tony Stark isn't going to work for Disney.  So instead we basically get a shoot-em-up, high-tech action flick.

Also, without giving spoilers, I can't decide if the Mandarin thing is good or bad.  On one hand, I like the concept, on the other hand I wanted him to be an awesome villain.  The poop joke was bad, I know that much.

Long story short, it looks like I'm relying on Star Trek Into Darkness, Fast & Furious 6, and - most of all - Pacific Rim to make my summer.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

Yeah, I saw G.I. Joe: Retaliation on Easter morning.  No church for me, thanks.  Truth be told, it was more Mike's pick than mine, but it's not like I protested.  I'm always up for some mindless gun porn entertainment.

And that's exactly what it was.  Do you want to see The Rock walk around explosions in slow motion? If you're an American, the answer is yes.  Do you want to see guns, guns, and more guns?  Duh.  Do you want to see Bruce Willis sleepwalk his way through a role that, well, doesn't really require anything more than sleepwalking? Of course you do.  What's not to love about all of these things?  Swords and stunts and explosions and rock music and fighting for "America."  Love it.

Just don't expect a riveting plot.  Or a movie that doesn't feel like it's 2 different movies going on concurrently.  Or The Rock to cover up his arms.  Cuz it ain't happening.

Oh wait - best of all - Walton Goggins is in it.  Boyd Crowder lights up any movie he's in.

Justified

So this episode's going to be about the Marshals trying to leave Harlan alive with Drew Thompson, also alive.  And the Detroit Mafia trying to get Drew, likely alive or dead.

Tonin's man is knocking the teeth out of Boyd's mouth, but Boyd can still talk his way into helping him get around Harlan.  Boyd sends Colt to go get Drew.

The Marshal Convoy (a decoy, Drew is still back with Raylan and Rachel) starts out, but PTSD Tim feels like it's an IED trap, so they stop.  And indeed, Colt has Tonin's sniper on them.  After some witty repartee, Tim ends up protected and with them in his gun sights.  Booyah.  Then Tim and Art blow up the IED-laden car parked nearby so that they can escape.

Boyd figures out Raylan's holed up in their old high school.  Because Boyd just has that sixth sense when it comes to his BFF.

Another of Tonin's guy's finds Patton Oswalt at Arlo's house and tries to beat Raylan's location out of him.  Beats the holy hell out of him!  Patton stabs him through a nice juicy artery just as Raylan shows up.  Raylan brings Patton back to the school with him.

The mafia helicopter lands and Boyd and one of Tonin's guys enter.  Boyd can't talk Raylan out, so they call for backup.  They have a quick standoff, but then Art and Tim show up.  And anyway, Rachel and Drew are on the way out of Harlan - via a train.

This episode was chock full of awesome dialogue and chess-playing.  Loved it.

Justified

The Hunt for Drew Thompson has become the Hunt for Shelby.  He's headed to Mexico with Ellen May, but the airport and roadblocks don't work out.  So Ellen May heads to see Limehouse for protection.  Bubba!!!  Aw, man, remember when this show was awesome?  If the ghost of Mags Bennett comes back we can all be happy!

Boyd figures they're with Bubba and sends Ava.  Bubba's gonna charge them $150,000 for each.  But when Boyd brings the money, Bubba says he has to choose one of them.  That's a good dilemma!  Ava forces Boyd to take Shelby and leave Ellen May behind.

So now it's up to Colt to turn Shelby over to the Detroit Mafia.  Well, that's not going to go well.  Plus, Johnny made a deal with Raylan to let him know where Shelby's being picked up.  How does Boyd not yet know he can't trust Johnny?

The helicopter lands to get Shelby but then the Marshals show up.  Oh poor Boyd, everything's gone to shit.  Again.  Now everyone's trying to get out of Harlan before Tonin shows up.

Well, I enjoyed seeing Limehouse again and the ending was pretty badass.  And there was lots of good, bantery dialogue this week -- Art admiring Drew for pulling off this "badass shit," Raylan realizing he's become a frequent visitor of a whorehouse.  But screw Cousin Johnny.  For real.